Thursday, August 6, 2009

My Grandpa Jack got admitted to the hospital monday morning. Tuesday afternoon they transferred him to MCO (University of Toledo medical college) ICU. He has a large amount of fluid on his lungs. His sats are shit. His respers are up to 30/min. And the doctors don't know what is causing it...its frustrating. They are waiting til he stabalizes more to start doing more invasive tests, but we want answers now.
I took my Grandma and Uncle Kenny bob up to see him yesterday. He was so happy to see us. He looks so small in his bed. I hate seeing all the tubes going in him. It breaks my heart to see him so sick. He reached for my hand when I got there and told me how happy he was to see me and thanked me for coming. It broke my heart more. Ive always been closer to my other grandpa, my papa. But Grandpa Jack has a special place in my heart. He is so loving, so kind, so soft spoken. I regret not seeing him more often. He kept telling me how much he loved me during the day. I can tell he is scared. I wish I could take that fear away. He has lost 2 brothers this year and I know that that is what he is thinking about. I know he is in good hands. He has great nurses and a member of the family is there 24 hours a day to help keep him calm. I just want him better.
Kevin can't understand why I am so upset. He isn't close with his family. He just keeps saying its a part of life, if its meant to be its meant to be. But he doesnt realize that that doesnt make it hurt any less. It doesnt make me less scared that he is going to pass away.
It doesnt help me emotionally that my papa has been declining as well. Momo and Papa practically raised us. I lived with them for several years, both as a child and as an adult. Papa's memory is fading more everyday and it is so painful to watch. Its worse yet because he knows its happening too. He got lost the other day driving for an hour and a half and ended up 30 miles away from where he was supposed to be. He said he just kept driving til he saw something he recognized. Problem is, he was driving down coutry roads that he has driven on his entire life. He didn't recognize anything til he saw President Hayes' home in Fremont. Its so hard to deal with.
I know that death is inevitable. I know that you have to sometimes let people go. Im just not ready to let go of either one of my grandpas yet. I don't think they are ready to let go either. Please keep my grandpas in your thoughts. I love them so much.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear of all this.

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  2. I am so sorry. It hurts to watch this happen.

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