Thursday, August 27, 2009
First off, it was supposed to be a great day.
I was supposed to hang out with my friend Tiffany, go see The Time Travelers Wife, go eat some good food and have great conversation.
Kevin was going to Bowling Green for the national tractor pulls...yes my husband is a hillbilly.
My day started going to shit early.
Tiff called at 1 to let me know she was bailing on me...for the 90th time. To go to a demo derby with her husband. which she does weekly. and i haven't seen her since march...yes march. I lost it. I let her know I was pissed...she refused to text me back or answer my phone call after I told her I was upset and I was sick of her bailing at the last minute and I felt unimportant to her.
So I go uptown and develop pics from my trip to GA to see Joe. These make me happy. I stop by my mom's to share my happiness...this is where the day really goes to shit.
Basically I was cornered about rumors about my husband started by my youngest brother, who just happens to be a compulsive liar all of a sudden who hates my husband. So I was brow beat by my step dad and mom for a good hour and they basically told me that they hate my husband, and they think he is shitty and shady. It is a long story, but basically my little bro had told them that Kevin stole landscaping stone from my grandpa and sold it to a friend for extra cash, when the landscaping stone we "stole" I had asked for a week prior to fill in thin spots in our existing landscaping. We are allowed all the stone we would like for our landscaping, per my grandpa.
So basically, they wouldn't take my word for it and I was being told to choose either my family or my husband. Oh, but they love me and never want to hurt me...even though I had been sitting there crying for over an hour, but I shouldn't be so emotional...even though I was in the process of losing a best friend, my grandfather was back in the ICU, and I was just told that I married a horrible person. Im just emotional apparently.
So saturday sucked. I cried uncontrollably for about 6 hours and wanted nothing more than to call my friend and cry to her, but she was mad at me...or call Joe and cry to him, but he was not reachable. So I cried to my dog, who cuddled on the couch with me and attempted to lick the tears off my face.
Sunday, I laid the smack down. I made Kevin go over and settle things with my family.It sucks hearing it from every end...from my brother, my mother, and my husband. I let them know I was done and that if it continued, I would just disappear. Kevin talked things over with my parents and things are better. He and jake still have it out for each other though, and that is frustrating.
If this saturday is anything like the last one, I am crawling my ass into the whiskey bottle in my freezer and not coming out til monday.
on a positive note, My little brother Joe was selected this morning for the Special Forces...I am sooooooo proud!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I am frustrated. I don't know how to come out and say this politely, so I am just going to say it. My sex life sucks lately. Kevin has been having problems...down there problems. (He would kill me if he knew I was writing this right now.) But basically, we start getting all hot and heavy, he's excited, I'm excited, but his little man won't get excited. This has been going on for over a month now. I can handle once or twice, but when it starts happening all the time, it's time to take action. You can tell it really bothers him and of course it bothers me. I mean, I want to have sex with my husband. It has been over a month...I am a highly sexual person. I can't take much more and yeah I have toys, but it's just not the same. It happened again last night and I no longer cry when it happens, I just get pissed that I spent time putting a limp dick in my mouth for nothing-worst feeling ever, that and wet sneakers. It gets semi hard and then just deflates. He hasn't beat off in forever, so I know its not just me. He wants to have sex, his penis just has other ideas, like sleep apparently. He told me that he is going to go see a doctor. But he said this last time. Do I make an appointment for him? I know he will get pissed if I do. Do I call up Dr. Kuns (who Im friends with) and ask for some cialis or viagra or what ever pill of the week it is? Im just plain frustrated. Im horny damn it and Im sick of going to bed ready to hump my pillow...that's what I have a husband for. We have never lacked in this department so I am at a loss. I want my saucy, hot, crazy, sexlife back. I want my penis back. Any advice?
It totally made my day to hear from him. I can't wait til after work when I can call him again and talk for hours like we normally do. There is so much to catch up on, yet nothing seems quite as important when it comes to him. My troubles seem petty. My worries, managable. If the military has affected me at all, it has been in this way. I don't want to waste my precious time talking to him about stupid junk that won't matter a week from now. Although, I know he would listen to whatever was bothering me...he has always been good that way. Been my one brother I could cry to, get hugs from, just completely break down in front of. I am so excited for him to come home for the few days he gets to. I am just happy he made it through; he called me the night before it started and talked for about 2 hours about how nervous he was. Excited, but nervous. I know he is doing something I could never make my body do. I struggle with 5k's, he does 12k's pushing a jeep. I mean come on. The mental toughness it takes just astonishes me. I am one proud sis right now. (Im happy he dropped the -sy on that one.)
MY BROTHER IS MY HERO...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
These are three new trays that I purchased...I am trying to add this bright Italian blue to my tuscan kitchen for a pop of color, not that my kitchen lacks color...the walls are terra cotta and the ceiling is a pale golden sunlight yellow. I love it. It is warm and inviting and takes the focus off my nasty flooring. My future mud room is going to be an apple green with this blue as accents as well to tie it all together. My best friends family is from Sicily, some family members still live their. They make Italian (sorry, Sicilian) pottery...I am trying to get them to import me some.
Kevin made me this for our first Christmas. He used to work at a machine shop and spent over 15 hours cutting it out. It is super delicate for being stainless and my cats love to swat at it when it is on display, so it is wrapped in tissue paper and in my hope chest. It comes out at christmas time.
You can see my kitchen wall color here, even though the flash made it more pink than it is in person.
This is a really cool platter that I got for a wedding present. I have matching cloth napkins that go with it and wine glasses with the same etched ginko leaf pattern. I want to tie it into my dining room but am struggling to figure out how. My dining room is going to be quite formal. Tin ceilings, cream wainscotting with inset panels to just above chair rail and then the upper portion of the walls is going to be flat black with a glossy black damask pattern around the top and dispersed randomly through out the black portion. I want to do a bright color accent, but am leaning towards either yellow, robins egg blue, or a bright vibrant green. This teal just won't pop enough, but I love the pattern...what to do, what to do...
I started collecting luncheon sets from the 50's when I was 16. I have about 20 place settings now in this pattern and one other pattern. I thought they were cute. Turns out my aunt has been collecting this same pattern since she got married back in 1959 when she got a set as a wedding present. She told me that she is going to pass them on to me when she gets too old to use them. We currently use them at all Steinbauer bridal and baby showers. They bring a sophistication all their own to the parties. We try to be all upper class when we can...we are good at pretending that we aren't a bunch of farmers when it's just us ladies...
Monday, August 24, 2009
This is a picture of my Momo and Papa on their wedding day...there was a blizzard and only 3-4 people were able to make it. My brother Tanner looks just like my Papa.
This light came from a garage sale at a local contractors house. My mom got it for me. It will go perfectly in the landing of my staircase.
These were originally going to be my bridal bouquet, then I put them in this vase to hold them and I couldn't remove them because I loved how they looked. It all worked out because I ended up reworking my flowers for my wedding and went with peonys instead...great choice
This little guy resides in my kitchen. He is only 2 1/2" tall...When we lived in town we had a squirrel in our backyard that we named Kyle...this in my reminder of kyle...
I love old copper tea kettles...I have about 8 in my kitchen so far...
I can see why other people would have considered it a difficult test. Of course they worded things very oddly so that you had to read the question twice to see what they were really after, but that is how my lovely profs in college worded all of our athletic training class tests. So, Im pretty used to it by now. I have a feeling that I passed it with flying colors. I will let you know in the 8 weeks it takes to get the results back...blah. Have a great monday...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I am just going to get up early, drink a couple cups of coffee, read through my literature again, dress casually and take my time with the test...it's all I can do.
I haven't been this nervous since my senior thesis presentation to the English Lit. department...ug.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I have my own room, being the only girl. I lock the door and head to the bathroom to shower. While I am showering my phone is ringing off the hook. After the 5th time, I run out of the shower, grabbing a towel, to go answer the phone, still soapy. Just as I pick up the receiver, my door bursts open and JD, the clown of the team is standing in my room. Coach is on the phone asking if I had his blue duffel bag because he can't find it...Im standing there ass naked, holding a phone, and JD is yelling for everyone to come into my room. Then I remember the towel. By this time, about 7 of the guys are in my room hooting and hollering. I shake out the towel and it is a hand towel. Damn! I decide my hoohaa is more important to cover than my taataas. So I am standing on the phone, soapy, with a hand towel covering my vag in front of the entire soccer team. Coach is dying laughing on the phone. The only thing I could think of saying was "Paul, I think I'd like to see your wang now."
I loved those boys so much. They made me feel like part of the team and they always took care of me...more so after they saw me naked. My good friend, Brad, finally wrangled all the boys out of my room. Turns out the door lock was broken...nice.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
The first time I touched a penis:
So, it was the first time I had made out with a guy. Like makeout, makeout. We were "watching" The Crow, because we had both seen it a billion times. It was after a basketball game sometime in Feb. I was 15, he was 17. He was hot. Im thinking Im lookin all sexy in my cheerleading uniform minus the skirt, add warmup pants. We are getting all hot and heavy, kissing and doing the rubbing of each others body's over clothing. Then he decides to go under the clothing. I kind of just lay there as he fondles my boobs...it felt all weird and tingly and I was trying my best to not laugh my ass off...a few giggles got out and I tried to explain that I was super ticklish, when in all reality, I laugh like a frickin' madwoman when Im nervous...uncontrollably. So I thought I was doing good only letting out a few random giggles. Then he moved his hand down my pants...I freeze but then try to relax...I have no clue what he is doing, I have no clue what I am doing. I feel obligated to put my hand down his pants...I don't know what Im going to do when I get down there, but I guess I will figure it out. Wrong. I put my hand around his penins and scream and jerk my hand out of his pants. He jumps back and asks what's wrong. Me being the naive 15 year old that I am stammer out "IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE THAT!" I had this preconceived notion that a penis was going to be like a rock...hard, no real movement...so the whole skin sliding over the tube like anatomy underneath freaked my shit out! I quickly threw my shirt back on, called my mom, and waited outside, in the freezing night, for her to come get me. I couldn't fathom the 15 min ride home in his car. I was the stupid sophomore with the hot ass senior that didn't know what she was doing. Needless to say, he broke up with me the next day. Thankfully he didn't tell anyone, probably because he was now worried that there was something wrong with his penis. I didn't touch another penis til I was one day shy of 19...it scared me that bad...
Seriously, its hard to believe that that girl was once me.
Im glad I can laugh at it now...cause I sure couldn't then!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This was the rocking chair that my mom used for all of us kids. It is about 30 years old and strudy as hell. It was in pretty rough shape, but a little bit of sanding, and a couple cans of outdoor spray paint did the job. I had this one done in 2 hours, start to finish. Mom had originally offered the chair to Jen, and I was secretly excited when she said she didn't want it. It sat in the game room for 2 years before Mom finally gave it to me! I plan on making a little pillow that matches the fabric from the above chair.
Ive had this chair since I was 16. I bought it at a garage sale for like .50 cents. Awesome. I love the shape of it. The cane seat has since been ruined...thanks to my fat ass friend thinking it would hold his 300lbs of weight...Im suprised it didn't crumble. I am going to paint it the same '57 chevy green as the other chair and have Kevin cut me a new seat and upholster it. I love cheap, easy projects. Wish the rest of my house would come along as smoothly...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
This week has been crazy for me. Im not real sure why either. It's been abnormally busy at work, but nothing unbearable...just everything is crazy...which leads me to my next thought...(jenny, don't freak.)
I've been thinking about adoption...not doggy or kitty adoption, but children adoption. Anyone that knows me, knows that I have been against having children my entire life. Lately though, I have been thinking more and more about it. After talking with Kevin's sister, Erinn (yes 2 n's,) it really got me thinking. She is in the process of adopting two children from an abusive family. I think Erinn is one of the most amazing women I have ever met, yet she lives a completely different life from the one I would ever chose to lead. She is a dairy farmer. Married her high school/junior high sweetheart one week after graduating from high school. Got pregnant immediatly. Her first pregnancy was twins, but one was stillborn. She had one more after that, which resulted in two of my favorite people in the world, my neices Emma and April. She home schools, but makes sure that her kids are active in things like 4H, play groups, and volunteering (these kids are 7 and 8.) They both read at higher levels than they are supposed to...Emma is reading at a 5th grade level and April 4th. And she still manages to have fun with her kids and husband. We had a water fight last sunday when they came and visited. It all started with a squishy ball thrown by her oldest daughter, smack into her chest. Where most mom's would get mad, she laughed, picked it up, and then threw it at Kevin...all hell broke loose and by the end, no one was dry, but we were all laughing and smiling.
I am still leary about how Kevin would be as a dad, and I think both he and I have a lot of growing up to do, but I am seriously considering adoption now. Im not going to tell my mother or father, heaven forbid they get their hopes up. But I can see Kevin and I with a little boy or girl someday. I don't care if they come from another family. I don't care that they aren't a newborn when I get them-in fact I would prefer if they were around 5 years old or so. I keep hearing all these statistics about kids in foster care...how so many turn 18 every year and have no where to go, they are just forced out the the system with no one to fall back on. I can't imagine how that would feel. If I could save a child from this, I think its worth thinking about. I know I have a lot of research to do and several years before we are ready, but Im thinking more and more everyday that I want to do it. Scary, I know. This isnt typical Haley talk. Im scaring myself. Is there really a mother inside me?!
Monday, August 10, 2009
A.) it's free!
B.) I love me some large men dressed as women...especially when they come out of the back in all stages of undress.
C.) I get drinks bought for me all night at this bar
D.) I get to dance and don't have to worry about guys all gettin up on my ass.
E.) Gay men love my boobs.
Its a win-win situation for me. And I am plain excited!
Last time I got dragged on stage (no pun intended.) and my face rubbed in a man's chest...and his boobs were somehow miraculously larger than mine...Im still trying to figure that out...
I feel so bored with my life right now. We don't have the money to spend on renovations at the moment, so that's out of the question for satisfying my craving to do something and I can't complete the landscaping on the backside of the house until Kevin moves some more dirt and gets the edging in for me. Sigh. Im just stuck.
Spending my Friday evening cleaning the house is just not fun. I can only lose myself in books for so long, and gas money is required to go to the beach....at this point we are scraping by just to have gas to make it to work each week. Blah. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I have even considered getting a second job, but, gasp, no one is hiring...not even McDonalds! Im guaranteed a place at my friends restaurant at the end of September when two of his waitresses leave, but that is still a ways away.
I need to either get rich quick by winning the lottery or inheriting a fortune from a long lost family member, find me a sugar daddy or mommy, and get a raise at work...I think all three are pretty much inconceivable right now. Such is life.
Turns out, they put my grandpa on a vent so that he could rest because he couldn't calm down enough to sleep. 7 days of no rest does nothing to help you get better and everything to make the situation worse. I then call my cousin, Marcy. Turns out her one year old daughter, Hannah, had a high fever and began seizing. They life flighted her to Toledo Children's hospital and put her, too, on a vent. This was done because she was so panicy that they were not able to treat her properly. By the time I got ahold of my cousin she had been removed from the vent but was still heavily sedated, but had woken up enough to say "Momma" to Marcy. Praise baby Jesus. Turns out the combination of the high fever and an electrolyte imbalance caused by her diarrhea caused the seizure. She is better now and should go home today.
Needless to say my Mom gave me a heartattack.
After talking with my family, Kevin and I decided to still have our cookout/shooting party. We had friends over to shoot clays and targets and us girls got to sit around and chit chat about our upcoming girls night. It was hilarious watching my friend Jackie shoot...she never has before. She came running back up to the deck screaming, "I shot a gun, I shot a gun!" She swore she never would. She was pretty excited about it, but admitted afterwards that it scared the bejeezus out of her.
When the drinks came out, the guns got put away and we had a nice bonfire. It was a nice evening all in all, except for the insane heat that took over the house in the morning. I took 4, yes 4, showers yesterday...so much for conserving water. I hate feeling nasty, sweaty, sticky. Its so gross. It was definitly a naked day. At 6 o'clock, Kevin and I finally broke down and turned on the AC to our bedroom, grabbed books and went upstairs to read in the coolness...with all of our animals. We looked like an elderly married couple, all propped up on pillows reading. Too funny. I wanted to stay up to watch the Joan Rivers roast, but passed out at 9:30.
I woke up at 4am this morning...I got some snuggle time with my dog, a couple extra cups of coffee, and an episode of the twilight zone in before work. Mornings like that are nice.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Who by far has the coolest name ever, gave me the Lemonade award! It's been a while since Ive gotten an award and it just made my day on a particularly dreary day!
I would like to pass this award on to:
Adventures in my life...as a mom
she makes me laugh and I love the fact that she is a Bronco's fan!
So, following these rules:
1.) Accept the award; post it on your blog together with the name of the person who’s given it plus his or her blog link.
2.) Pass the award on (or not, if you’d prefer) to other blogs that you’ve recently discovered.
3.) Link to your nominees within your post.
4.) Contact the nominees to let them know they've been chosen for this award.
I took my Grandma and Uncle Kenny bob up to see him yesterday. He was so happy to see us. He looks so small in his bed. I hate seeing all the tubes going in him. It breaks my heart to see him so sick. He reached for my hand when I got there and told me how happy he was to see me and thanked me for coming. It broke my heart more. Ive always been closer to my other grandpa, my papa. But Grandpa Jack has a special place in my heart. He is so loving, so kind, so soft spoken. I regret not seeing him more often. He kept telling me how much he loved me during the day. I can tell he is scared. I wish I could take that fear away. He has lost 2 brothers this year and I know that that is what he is thinking about. I know he is in good hands. He has great nurses and a member of the family is there 24 hours a day to help keep him calm. I just want him better.
Kevin can't understand why I am so upset. He isn't close with his family. He just keeps saying its a part of life, if its meant to be its meant to be. But he doesnt realize that that doesnt make it hurt any less. It doesnt make me less scared that he is going to pass away.
It doesnt help me emotionally that my papa has been declining as well. Momo and Papa practically raised us. I lived with them for several years, both as a child and as an adult. Papa's memory is fading more everyday and it is so painful to watch. Its worse yet because he knows its happening too. He got lost the other day driving for an hour and a half and ended up 30 miles away from where he was supposed to be. He said he just kept driving til he saw something he recognized. Problem is, he was driving down coutry roads that he has driven on his entire life. He didn't recognize anything til he saw President Hayes' home in Fremont. Its so hard to deal with.
I know that death is inevitable. I know that you have to sometimes let people go. Im just not ready to let go of either one of my grandpas yet. I don't think they are ready to let go either. Please keep my grandpas in your thoughts. I love them so much.