Monday, August 17, 2009

Embarrassing moment #2

My friends love this story so much, they make me tell it every time a new girl is added to our group...which isn't often, because you basically have to be a guy that is a girl that won't get offended if we say the word penis a million times and can take a frickin's hard to find girls like that...which is why our guy friends dread bringing new girlfriends to meet our group. We always get the "be nice" look as they walk away to go hang out with the guys. We aren't mean by any means, we just talk like guys and some girls just can't handle it...if you can, you get to hear this: DAD IF YOU ARE READING THIS STOP NOW!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The first time I touched a penis:
So, it was the first time I had made out with a guy. Like makeout, makeout. We were "watching" The Crow, because we had both seen it a billion times. It was after a basketball game sometime in Feb. I was 15, he was 17. He was hot. Im thinking Im lookin all sexy in my cheerleading uniform minus the skirt, add warmup pants. We are getting all hot and heavy, kissing and doing the rubbing of each others body's over clothing. Then he decides to go under the clothing. I kind of just lay there as he fondles my felt all weird and tingly and I was trying my best to not laugh my ass off...a few giggles got out and I tried to explain that I was super ticklish, when in all reality, I laugh like a frickin' madwoman when Im nervous...uncontrollably. So I thought I was doing good only letting out a few random giggles. Then he moved his hand down my pants...I freeze but then try to relax...I have no clue what he is doing, I have no clue what I am doing. I feel obligated to put my hand down his pants...I don't know what Im going to do when I get down there, but I guess I will figure it out. Wrong. I put my hand around his penins and scream and jerk my hand out of his pants. He jumps back and asks what's wrong. Me being the naive 15 year old that I am stammer out "IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE THAT!" I had this preconceived notion that a penis was going to be like a rock...hard, no real the whole skin sliding over the tube like anatomy underneath freaked my shit out! I quickly threw my shirt back on, called my mom, and waited outside, in the freezing night, for her to come get me. I couldn't fathom the 15 min ride home in his car. I was the stupid sophomore with the hot ass senior that didn't know what she was doing. Needless to say, he broke up with me the next day. Thankfully he didn't tell anyone, probably because he was now worried that there was something wrong with his penis. I didn't touch another penis til I was one day shy of scared me that bad...
Seriously, its hard to believe that that girl was once me.
Im glad I can laugh at it now...cause I sure couldn't then!


  1. SOOOO funny!!! I'm dying laughing over here..... :)

  2. hahahaha. i started cracking up with just the first line..'The first time I touched a penis:' funny!

  3. You had me going from the very beginning - HILARIOUS!!