Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Bridging, mending, hoping

My nieces, Emma and April, are back in town from MO. They are here for the rest of the month of October and I am uber excited.
I am excited because next week we are taking them to see "Where The Wild Things Are," which I am super excited about anyways because it has been one of my favorite books since childhood. I am also excited because it is Emma and April's favorite book. I have a kids bookshelf at the top of my stairs and it is the first place they go when they get to my house. The first book grabbed is always WTWTR. I guess Emma has been talking about the movie since she first saw the preview. She is a little tomboy and reminds me of Max in a way, so I am sure she will connect the with movie the most.
We are also planning on taking the girls to the circus. Barnum and Bailey will be in town at the end of the month. It will be my first real circus (aside from the circuses that are set up in grocery store parking lots.) We are hoping to find out what route the train is taking to take the girls to see the train roll in with all the animals and super fancy cars. I saw it once as a child pass through Bellevue. It was amazing! I want them to have that same experience.
I am kind of hoping that the girls being in town sans mom will make Kevin have to talk to his mother. He has not talked to her in over 3 1/2 years now. He had a huge falling out with his father (I don't blame him) but it cost him his relationship with his mother...basically because it puts her in a potentially dangerous situtation if his dad knows that Judy is talking to Kevin...Kevin's father is abusive but kevin's mother will not leave him...even though both of her children have offered her a place to stay, for free-and his dad has no clue where we live. Its a sad situation, but I am hoping that when I call Judy to set up a time to get the kids, I can pass the phone off to Kevin and they can actually talk. Im hoping. Fingers crossed.
Kevin has pent up anger about his mother. He feels like she chose her husband over her child, but he can't see the position she is in. A long time abused woman doesn't always have the strength to leave a husband, even if she has an out. He can't look at it from that point of view. He just thinks she is weak. He can't see that she loves him and is praying for that one day when she wakes up and her husband is different. She still has that hope. That is what she told me when I asked her to come stay with me. She looked me in the eyes, with tears brimming and said, "I can't leave him yet. I still believe he can change. He loves me, he is just sick. I can't give up on him yet." It broke my heart and infuriated me, but now I understand. Kind of. Im just hoping that Kevin is able to reconnect with his mother before it is too late and he doesn't have the choice.
I am hoping Emma and April can be that bridge without even knowing it. I love when April comes over and puts her hands on her hips, furrows her brows, and says to kevin, "Grandma's mad at you! You better call her! She said you hurt her feelings!" I love how a child's innocent words can speak volumes. Kevin cried in front of me about his mother that night. Those girls make him see what he is missing. They make him see that maybe he needs to make that first step.
I have always contacted Judy at work. I don't dare call her at home, for fear that his father would answer...there is still a lot of hate there. I don't think I could even hold back my words. I said my peace to him the day that we moved out, but he can open wounds with small attacking words. Plus, Judy can be herself at work and not have to mask who she is talking to, plus she can keep secret the fact that she is talking to me. I hate that it has to be that way, but I will hold onto the fringe of a relationship that we have left that way until it can be more again. I know that someday we will be able to sit and drink coffee and talk for hours again. I just don't know when that day will be. I miss her so much.

1 comment:

  1. What a difficult situation for you to be in Haley. Hopefully one day the girls and you and Kevin will break through to your mother-in-law, and until then I think it's so important that you are holding on to whatever fringe you can.

    You sound like a pretty cool aunt. Have fun with the girls!