Back from vacation...well rested, but not ready to be back. Are we ever really ready?
Thanksgiving was nice. Kevin and I decided to just go to the Steinbauer's...it is the last time we were all getting together at the old farmhouse since we are putting it up for auction in the spring. It was emotional. But nice.
Friday, Kevin and I lounged around all day. It was perfect. No black friday madness for me. No thanks.
Saturday I helped some of the aunts go through Grandma and Grandpa's house...we cleaned for 4 hours. We got the entire upstairs done...which was a feet. There were four bedrooms filled with junk, treasures, misplaced paperwork, and tons of other things. We got rid of a lot of trash and I came home with an old fur hat that Grandpa used to wear to church every sunday, one of grandma's old flashy purses, a Mary statue, and old survey maps of the area where our family farm was...it has Kevin and I's property on it, grandma and grandpa's, momo and papa's, and the original farm market. It's pretty cool and from 1956. I am going to have it framed. It was fun going through all the old things and watching my aunts laugh as they remembered times from the past. So many good times in that house. So many memories. It will be hard when it is gone...no longer in the family. The aunts were trying to convince me to buy it...they'd give us a good deal. We just can't do it...it requires so much work-but it has beautiful curves ceilings and perfect plaster walls. But no, it would be too much for us. The highlight of the day was when we found a "sex book" or what a Catholic would call a sex book. It was about how to teach your children about sex...the catholic way-aka, you will go to hell if you have premarital sex and that you must confess your impure thoughts to the priest. It was definitly interesting to read. It was a fun but sobering day.
Saturday and sunday were nice relaxing days. Just a little bit of cleaning and bringing in wood for the week.
But I am sooo not happy to be back at work. Oh well, such is life.

Wonderful Solitude

I got a call from my husband this morning (who is in Boston delivering tons of carrots to a foodbank) saying that he missed me so much and wished he were home.
He asked if I missed him...while I do, I am enjoying being on my own for a few days. I didn't want to tell him this and hurt his feelings...he sounded so sad on the phone. I think we needed the time away from each other desprately. We have been up each other's butts for months now since he has been laid off. He gets bored and calls me at least 6 times per day at work and that just isn't cool with me. Plus, last weekend was rough. I need this vacation from him.
What I wanted to reply was, "If you miss me so much now, why were you such a dick on Friday night? Why did you torment me all day Saturday if you love me so much you can't stand to be away from me?" I try to let the past be the past so I didn't. Im just enjoying the time by myself, doing the things that I want to do...which has mainly been cleaning, working out, and eating right for once.
I get it, he's in a truck cab with one other person for hours on end each day. I get to go to work, go to the gym, go home and relax, and eat home cooked meals. He doesn't even have the luxury of a shower unless they stop at a truck stop equipped with one. BUT, he gets to see the countryside and go places that I have never been. I want to go to Boston so bad! We have a saying, "The Baston Dag goes Bak, Bak!" Because we are losers and love our animals, we think about how a Boston accent would sound on our dog. Yes, we are lame. But it is funny and has been a running joke for 2 years now. I want to see Boston, I want to see New York City, I want to see the country side down south when he drives to Florida later this week. I would love to see this all with him, but am loving my single life for the time being. I think its a good trade off.
Am I horrible for feeling this way? I don't think so. I think we need breaks away from the ones we love so that we appreciate them that much more. Why do you think your favorite aunts and uncles are the ones that live farthest away?! Because you appreciate when you do get to see them because of distance and make that time together worthwhile.
I refuse to feel guilty, and I refuse to act like a desparate housewife on the phone begging for her husband to return quickly.

Over the Top!

Thanks to Brandi for passing this award on to me!

I have to answer the following questions with one word!

1.) Where is your cell phone? desk

2.)Your hair? Brown

3.) Your mother? Recovering

4.) Your father? Wonderful

5.) Favorite Food? Italian

6.) Your dream last nite? Naughty

7.) Your favorite drink? Coffee

8.) Your dream/goal? Travel

9.) What room are you in? Office

10.) Your hobby? Lifting

11.) Your fear? Spiders!

12.) Where do you want to be in 6 years? Manager

13.) Where were you last night? Fontanas

14.) Something that you aren't? Tired

15.) Muffins? Cinnamon

16.) Wish list item? car

17.) Where did you grow up? Bellevue

18.) Last thing you did? Eat

19.) What are you wearing? Scrubs

20.) Your tv? over-used

21.) Your pets? cute!

22.) Your friends? Amazing

23.) Your life? changing

24.) Your mood? Determined

25.)Missing someone? Yes

26.) Your vehicle? saturn

27.) Something your not wearing? Perfume

28.) Your favorite store? Macy's

29.) Favorite color? Depends

30.) When was the last time you laughed? today

31.) Last time you cried? saturday

32.) Your best friend? Beth

33.) One place that I go over and over? Google

34.) Facebook? yes

35.) Favorite place to eat? 3Birds

I pass this on to Lizzi and Grace!

Im down 4lbs. It's a start and I am thrilled. I had to go to the Lorain store this morning and the first thing my boss said to me was "It looks like you've lost weight." Yes! So far my hard work has paid off and I am doing even more now. Working out twice a day on my days off from the restaurant and I went and invested in some protein bars, skim milk, chicken breasts, and tons of veggies. I need to change my lifestyle now before I become a 400lbs overweight person sporting a moo-moo with flowers. Not attractive. I have motivational things all over my house. My chalkboard that usually displays our dinner menu is now covered with my workout schedule for the week. My bathroom mirror is sporting my current weight on one side and my goal weight on the other-with a picture of me at my goal weight taped in the corner. My skinny jeans are on display in our bedroom and my favorite bra-that I haven't been able to wear for a long time-but can't get rid of, is placed on my dresser...begging to be worn. Im pumped, Im motivated, Im making changes!

Friday I went out with my girls for Beth's birhtday (23 years old-gag me please.) We went to a comedy club in Toledo and had sooooo much fun. The comedian (Chad Smith) tagged us at the table of hot girls-stating that we had every hot girl type available...The short one with short hair and super tiny (Beth) The short one with long hair and knockers that you could use as pillows (me) The country girl who isn't afraid to sport boots (Amanda) and the high maintenance girl (Misty.) We were used a lot during the show and he tried to get us to wait around afterwards to hang out with us. We had places to go though! We couldn't just wait around. It was great being involved in the show and we got some free drinks from him. Bonus! It was a great night. I love my girls.

I dropped Kevin off at the Turnpike last night. He is doing a truck route with a buddy for some extra cash. He will be gone til next monday and I think the break will do us good. Him not working has him up my ass all the time and I just can't handle that. Plus, sometimes its just nice to have the whole bed to yourself. Downside-I hate starting fires...Im not bad at it, I just hate it-and since that is how we heat our house, there is no way around it. Boo. He called me last night (8 hours after I dropped him off) to tell me that he already missed me. I miss him, but not that much yet. Im still in my, "yay! I get the house to myself" phase. He's in a small cab with a trucker...how much fun can that be. I am jealous that they got to go through NYC last night...so jealous. He said it was beautiful and finally agreed that we should go there for a long weekend. He's off to NC today and then Wisconsin then Michigan then Florida then home.

Dangerous Territory

Im sitting here eating carrots. Steamed carrots and baked chicken. Thank God the chicken maintained it's flavor in the oven (Im a spicing genious.) My carrots are lacking. But they are good for me, so down the hatch they go.

My diet has improved tremendously. Probably because I am making an effort and actively watching what I am eating. I may start a food journal, but always found them too depressing.

I need to invest in some good protein bars and meal replacement bars. Special K actually makes a pretty tasty protein bar and they aren't too ridiculously expensive.

Kevin pooped out on me yesterday, already. He woke up with a headache...really?! C'mon! If I can't use that to get out of sex (I never would) he can't use it to get out of going to the gym. After asking him 3 times, I wasn't wasting my time anymore and took off without him. He later apologized and was ready to go this morning. But to rub it in his face just a little more, last night I did an extra set of abs on the livingroom floor followed by pushups before taking my nightly shower. Im determined, damn it.

I've been talking to my friend Kyle about lifting. He has gotten in tremendous shape over the past year and I was picking his brain for exercise ideas. He and I have been friends for a million years it seems-knowing each other since junior high and having the same after school job through high school. We are close, but sometimes, I think we push our limits on the friend issue. He is a flirt, I am a flirt. Sometimes that is ok. Other times it is not. He and I flirting is not ok...because sometimes I think we are a little more serious than we should be. It's dangerous, but oh so fun. He is in a serious relationship and he stood second in line at my wedding. I don't think either one of us would ever take things to that next level, but sometimes I wonder if it may happen eventually in a moment of weakness. It would be the worst scenario ever. I need to keep myself in check around him. Kevin already hates how close we are and how at parties Kyle and I talk all night. I don't think it's a jealousy thing because he trusts Kyle and I, but I think he knows that we are attracted to each other. Don't get me wrong, Im not the only culprit here, so don't go getting all on Team Kevin...Kevin does his fair share of flirting, which doesnt bother me at all-it makes me laugh actually. From our pictures at parties, you would think that we were all in different couples than what we actually are. That is how our entire group is. We get to the party and separate from our significant other for the evening-reuniting upon bedtime. Its what we do. New people to our group can never figure out who is married to who and it makes me laugh. The proof is in the pictures. Which are at the top of the page because my computer is stupid and won't let me move them.

How I look now...not huge, but not svelt...

Me in my more svelt days a couple years ago...hoping to look this good again soon!!!

Kevin and I started back at the gym this morning...at 5am. I had had enough yesterday of excuses and whinning and said we are starting tomorrow...either start with me, or quit complaining. So this morning, we were both sweating our butts off by 5:15.

I was pretty disappointed that it only took 10 min on the eliptical to make me feel like a fat slob. Winded, I stretched and moved on to my strong point-lifting. This is Kevin's weak point. He can run forever and hardly break a sweat-bastard. We lifted chest this morning. My favortie. We did 6 exercises plus 2 super sets. Kevin decided to throw in another exercise while I was doing abs (he refuses to do abs) and I told him he would pay for the extra one. He called me at 10am to tell me he could barely move. He never listens to me...hello! I have a degree in sports med.

Tomorrow will be either shoulders or back...depends on if we can lift our arms over our head or not.

I am excited to get back in shape. I am excited at all the energy I have today thanks to the morning workout. I know that this time, I am truly motivated and will make a change. I have my favorite picture of me posted on our bathroom mirror for added motivation. I want to be able to wear a certain dress to new years...I have it hanging front and center in my closet. I am cutting back the amount that I eat, but have already found that working out in the am and having a healthy bowl of cereal curbed my hunger for a lot longer than not working out and a coffe with 2 breakfast burritos from McD's. Im not going to cut out all the bad things...just limit them to treats. Focusing on eating more green vegetables and leaner meats. Im doing it the way I used to do it, back in the days of me weighing 145lbs. The correct way, instead of taking all the yummy treats out all together, just limiting them to treats so I appreciate them more.

I am curious to see how long my husband stays on the path. He usually gives it his all for 3 weeks than gives up. I caught him checking out his mini man-boobs though this morning...he didn't seem pleased. I really hope he sticks with it. Not only will it motivate me more, but we will eat healthier if he is involved in the process.

All Hallow's eve!

Lady Gaga and the samari finding out which is mightier...the sword or the disco stick

Making good use of his wig

Kevin's lovely dress (he looks better in it than I do!)

The devil stopped for a picture with Emily and I

Lady Gaga

We love dance parties!

I'm married to such a sexy lady!

Halloween. A time where you can dress up all slutty and get away with it, when men can dress in drag and they aren't the only one, and when you can pull those lovely items from your closet that you thought you could never wear again!

Bittersweet...

My friend Tiffany, you know, my friend with the idiot husband, told me about 2 weeks ago that she is pregnant.

I've been sitting and thinking on this since then. I've come to the conclusion that all I can do is be happy for her. She wants a child so bad and has been trying to get pregnant for some time now. I am glad, for her, that she has finally become pregnant. It is all I can do. I know that she will be an amazing mother and even if he doesn't play a large role in the child's upbringing, the child will know that her mother loved her.

Im praying its a girl, by the way. For Tiffany's sake. If it is a boy-oh, good Lord-she will be out numbered and the world does not need a jon jr running around.

I am going to help her paint and put together her nursery once she finds out what she is having. I am throwing her a "friend's" baby shower and started a baby blanket for her. I am being the best friend that I am supposed to be, and praying that he straightens up once the baby arrives.

Our relationship has gotten better since my last blog about her. I called her and we talked things out. We aren't as close as we were before, but we are working on that. I am having the girls over for a brunch on sunday...I will be making a recipe out of my Top Chef cookbook and I am uber excited. I haven't seen my girls in forever and I miss them. Hoping we can start doing a bruch every sunday and then scrapbooking until we are exhausted.

I didn't think I would be as ok as I am with this pregnancy thing, but then I stepped back and looked at the fact that it isn't my choice. It isn't my life. And I know that this has made her the happiest woman in the world-therefore, I am happy too. We can't create perfect situations for the one's we love, but only help them to make the situations as perfect as they can be based on what they have to work with. If anything, she will have a kickass auntie!

******Suprise!!!!********

My friend just text me to let me know that she got two tickets for the New Moon midnight premier for Nov. 20th (or thursday evening in my book.) I was a.) shocked, b.) suprised, and c.) stunned! I am sooooo excited! I thought I was going to have to wait 3 weeks to get in to see it, but thanks to her, I get to see it the opening night! I was actually dancing at my desk when I got the text! She is simply the best!