Hair today, gone tomorrow

I cut my hair this weekend. 11 inches gone. It feels lighter, but I am struggling with styling it. I even bought a straightener, and all of you that know me know that this is a monumental moment in my life. I can barely run a hair dryer.

Im having cutters remorse. I want my long hair back.

Everyone says they like it, but I think it makes my face look fat. It doesnt help that Kevin said, it makes your face look happier and rounder. No girl wants to hear that it makes their face look rounder. no one.

Kevin loves it though, but he LOVES short hair on women. I think I pull it off ok, but Im not happy with it, therefore I feel unattractive.

My good friend, Kyle, always important to me, confirmed what I was feeling by telling me that he was completely unattracted to me now. Kyle is harsh, Kyle is blunt. It is one of the reasons I love him. Im not typically a girl to get too worked up over things like this, but I want my long, beautiful hair back. N.O.W!

It will probably take a good year to grow it back out...plus I get to go through the lovely awkward stages of the grow out...yuck.

The only thing that makes it worthwhile...I donated my hair for the 6th time to locks of love and convinced an 11 year old little girl to do it with me in the process.

Sigh.

Hair, please come back quickly...

Let the journey continue!

I've decided to go back to school. Im following through with it this time. No ifs, ands, or buts...butts...
I'm going for my masters in education so I can FINALLY teach. I am going to do it on line, which scares me because I love the classroom, but figure I can still work full time this way. I am "meeting" with my counselor on monday...by meeting I mean tele-conference. I am already impressed with the school so far though . This woman gets me. She gets that I have a great base education and she knows what I am after...Im after that office in Pfleiderer building at Heidelberg that I sat in so many times in college...I want that office to be mine. I am going to focus on English, but will probably have health sciences included just so I am more valuable to a school.
Kevin doesn't understand it. I told him..."Im bored at work. My brain is rotting. I am a smart person and I am letting it waste away and this is a crime. I want a job where I am stimulated everyday, where I am excited to get up to go to work, where I influence people, where I help to mold minds and create excitement over things they never thought they would be excited about. Because I want to and I am doing it. "
He didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. He still wants me to go to nursing school, or go demand more money where I am currently at. But he doesn't understand that I am not happy here and I. AM. MAKING. CHANGES.
I think he is afraid I am going to leave him. Anytime I go to school, he gets all antsy-like he thinks I am going to wake up one day and be all like, "I don't love him because he didn't go to college..." so not like that. I wish he could see all the wonderful things about him that made me fall in love with him. I wish he would be excited for me.
I am excited for me.
I am excited for my future.
I am excited for my education to start again.
I am excited...
I am excited...
I am excited...

lucky!

My coworker just won $21,000 on the Ohio pick 4 lottery!
Holy cow!
We just had a little jumping up and down celebration for her...
It couldn't have gone to a better person...

Im ready for winter to be over.
I sick of waking up everyday and having the sky be the same gray, nasty, drab color all day.
Its depressing and I hate having to cheer myself up because the weather brings me down.
Im ready for spring. Im ready to go running on the roads instead of a treadmill next to a woman who complains every.single.morning. about her divorce and how horrible her ex-husband is. I get it. He's an ass. I can't drown you out with loud music anymore because my friend is living in the loft above the gym because she finally left her abusive boyfriend and I don't want to wake her.
Im ready for blue skys. Warm sun. Green grass. Birds chirping when I walk outside to go to work. Dew instead of frost. My tulips, my tulips, my tulips.
Did I tell you I planted close to 300 bulbs this past fall? All colors of pinks and magentas and purples and lilacs and blues and whites. I can't wait to see all the tiny buds popping up from the soil...marking the arrival of spring.
Im going to Alabama in April. Im driving my grandparents down to see my Momo's mother....my great grandmother. She is one amazing woman. 93 this year and still kicking. Her mind is still sharp, she still cooks, still feeds her chickens every morning, and still tells great stories about her past.
Im excited to see her. It's been far too long. The last time I was down there was when I was in junior high. Lots of things have changed, but I know most of the things have stayed the same.
Im not excited about sleeping on a couch for a week...on my vacation. Why do I have to do this when it is a 4 bedroom home? Because her one son, David, lives with her and helps her take care of the house and takes care of Grandma. Momo and Papa will have one room, and I just found out this week, that my Uncle Joe moved back in. My alcoholic, drug addicted uncle. Is living in the same house as his mother, the wife of a baptist minister. Leaching off his mother. Im not happy about it. I catch him with drugs in my grandma's house and I will kick his ass myself. I hate when he drinks. He is inappropriate when he drinks. Says inappropriate things. Thinks he is funny when he is sick. I may be renting a hotel room all by myself if it gets too bad. I want to enjoy my vacation.
I will have to take pictures when I am down there. You will be suprised by how old-timey it is. I mean, grandma lives on a dirt road. A.Dirt.Road. Red clay to be exact. It gets all over your clothes and shoes down there. I need to get a pair of throw away style shoes to go running in.
There are lots of HUGE trees, ant hills, and poverty stricken homes in her area. Nobody has a lot. Everything is basic. BUT, they have nice porches. Front AND back porches. You spend a lot of time on the porch when you are there. That part is nice. You get a cold drink, plop down in one of the rocking chairs and sit back and watch the chickens run around until the sun goes down. I do love that part. I learned the art of sitting still on those porches. I learned to appreciate watching nature around you and being quiet and sitting in the company of those you love and NOT having to talk constantly.
That is one thing Alabama has that Ohio doesnt...the ability to be still and appreciate the things around you.

Things I want to do before I die...

I was thinking in the shower last night, because the shower is my thinking spot, about things that I would love to do/accomplish before I die.
This is what I have so far:

-Run a 5k in less than 25 min
-Run a half marathon
-Run a full marathon
-Compete in a triathalon
-Be skinny/confident enough to get professional nudie pics taken for my husband's birthday (tasteful of course-no full frontal!)
-Have a job that I love, love, love, love, love going to
-Own a boat
-Try Indian food (I know, not a big one, but I live in Bellevue Ohio...nuff said)
-See France, again
-Own a place in Cape Cod so I can go there anytime I want
-Sit in awe of the powerful Mississippi River
-Climb a mountain
-Go to Vegas
-Go on a missionary trip with my friend Faith from College
-Learn to start an IV
-Drive a car that costs more than my house (just on loan...not buy it)
-Fly an airplane
-Own a house free and clear
-Travel, travel, travel, travel, travel
-Go back to school for teaching and keep going til I get my doctorate
-Take a cheerleading squad to nationals
-Take my ENTIRE family on a nice vacation
-See my Aunt and Uncle's house in Australia...in person
-SCUBA dive in a tropical location...you can only look at muddy sunken boats in Lake Erie for so long
-Rescue more pit bulls
-Have a bedroom that looks like an adults bedroom...with matching furniture!
-Have a tin ceiling in my dining room
-Donate blood...I can't bring myself to do it for some reason!
-Become a vegetarian for at least a year
-make a difference in someones life


The list will continue, be added to, edited...
I will keep you posted...
Hoping to be able to check off at least 2 this year!

Drydocked

Ive been slacking on my blogging lately. But honestly, I haven't had much to blog about. My life is boring right now. Same schedule everyday. boring.
I have added one thing. I started running again. Like really running...not my walk with a hop for a mile or so...Im talking running....to get in shape and run a half marathon.
That is my goal for this year. To run a half marathon. Maybe in May if my training goes well, maybe not til september....it all depends. But I am making myself drag my ass onto that treadmill every morning to do it. And I feel great after my morning run. Today was my first rest day and I feel lethargic. I don't like that....I will just have to do some cross training on my rest days. I've already lost 4lbs this week. Lets keep that trend going...

I got some exciting news from my brother on Wed. night. He and his wife are expecting their second child! Oh, so exciting! I couldn't be happier. I love hearing the pride and excitement in my brother's voice. I can't wait to meet the new addition to our family...and I am soooo excited for Turner to have a sibling!
It seems everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby. I got to see some friends last night that I hadn't seen in forever and got to meet their little girl, Ali. She is so beautiful. I guess we are at that stage in our life....my friends and I....where bridal showers are replaced by baby showers, bouquets for diapers. Im not feeling that pull, or want for a child though when I see all my friends with their baby. I think that says something....it could mean nothing though too. It could just mean that Kevin and I aren't meant to have a child. I'm ok with that. Our baby is our relationship...Lord knows it takes as much work as a newborn baby does...always working something out, even when we are doing good.
He has vowed to quit drinking...completely. Not even the occasional beer. This makes me happy. A lot of his problems stem from when he drinks. I think he uses drinking to cover his insecurities because he feels more ok with himself when he has a slight buzz...who doesn't love themselves more when they are buzzing...problem is, that buzz goes away and you have to deal with regular old you and sometimes, you don't like that person. After saying something hurtful to one of his best friends this weekend, and hurting another friend, plus me...I think he realized its time that that little brown bottle be thrown in the garbage for good. I hope he sticks with it. He has already distanced himself from his daily drinking buddy...this makes me happy. I wasn't a huge fan of the guy...he was nice enough, but I like being married to one guy...not two. I will keep you all updated on his progress. Im totally ok with not drinking...I could go forever without another drop of alcohol. It is not a necessary evil in my world. It is an easy sacrifice for me.
Work has been crazy busy. I should get started on my pile o' crap.
Bonus-Im going in April for an advanced mastectomy fitter class....Im super excited.

Sometimes I think I married the most ignorant man on the planet...other times he amazes me because he is so wonderful, but now, not so much.

"Fuck Haiti"

That is Kevin's stance on th whole earthquake/disaster issue.
I get it. It's far away. It doesn't affect you. But come on..."Fuck Haiti?"
That's a little harsh.
Mind you, he doesn't just state this to me...he says this infront of our best friend, Jason, and another coworker at Fontana's.
We were all shocked. I asked him how he could say this...

"If they can't figure out how to survive for themselves, I say it's natural selection."

I don't think Kevin realizes what a poverty stricken area this is, even before the earthquake. That people had maybe one pot or pan, barely any money, and they were already scraping by to survive.

"If they can't figure out how to make clean water when they are surrounded by an Ocean, then they SHOULD die."

You've got to be kidding me, right?! He then goes on to explain how to render clean water from ocean water...you simply need a pot or pan, fire, a piece of plastic, and a clean container to put it in. Apparently Kevin was born with this information in him, because I would be dying to thirst as well. I don't think he realizes they don't have cable shows like Survivorman to teach you these things. But whatever.

Sometimes, it is best to just walk away. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion right? I guess that is just his. But I was embarrassed that he said this and meant it.
I may not agree with the beliefs of Haitians, but I don't wish anyone to have to go through what they are going through right now.

I guess sometimes ignorance is bliss.

and I guess I should be thankful that Kevin would be able to provide for us if we were to ever have to deal with a natural disaster...