Monday, June 13, 2011

The Big Let Down

How are you supposed to act when someone completely and totally lets you down? When the one person who you have vowed to spend the rest of your life with treats you with such disrespect that your heart can't handle it?

This weekend was a throwback to my early 20's and it was awful.
I have already been through those tumultuous years between the ages of 18-25 when you party hard and have complete disregard for anyone other than yourself. I barely survived those years once. I can't do it again. This past weekend I was forced back into that mindset. I was disrespected by the person that I love the most in this world and my heart aches so much because of it. It is amazing what beer can make a person do. It is amazing how people still blame beer after all these years. It isn't the beer. It is the person drinking the beer. Period.
And if I continually, year after year, made stupid decisions that hurt the ones that you love because of a stupid drink, you should stop drinking. And maybe get some friends that are a little older. And maybe act like a 30 year old married man. But that is just me. And I am a woman, and sometimes women are just smarter than men when it comes to relationships. Or maybe I should say that women are more respectful than men when it comes to relationships. Or maybe we just think of the other person before Every. Stinkin. Decision. We. Make. Even toilet paper. I mean damn, I've been in your life for 10 years. How do you forget about me just because I am not in your direct line of sight? Am I THAT forgettable? I certainly hope not.
What I truly don't understand is how you can think that your actions don't affect me. How you think that i won't find out about things. How you can make a decision in a split second that gives you happiness for 3 seconds but creates hours, days, weeks, months of pain for me.

The big question is: How am I supposed to ever trust you again?


  1. uggh. so sorry you are going through this.

  2. Lots of people drink lots of beer and are still able to stay devoted to the one they love.

    I hope you figure out the root of the problem, and you're right . . . it's not the beer. It's not you, it's not the friends, it's him.

    Sorry to hear about this and I'm here for you if you need anything. I hope everything works out.

  3. I'm so sorry, Haley. We are all here for you and we all love you.

  4. Blame is a tricky thing. It's easy to put all the blame on one person - after all, he's the one who did it. But how much of him is you? When you're married, you give up parts of yourself and become your partner and your partner becomes you. That is the reason why it hurts so bad.

    But it can sometimes also be the reason why we act. Was he looking for an outlet? From what?

    Beer is not the reason, but alcohol can make us lose our inhibitions, do something that we wouldn't do otherwise because something is holding us back. But doesn't that mean that we're living against our true will, our true spirit?

    Perhaps he did something that fulfilled a need he couldn't fulfil when sober, when being married to you. How much of the part of him that is you was responsible? How much of the part of him that is you helped creating a setting from which he wanted to get away?

    He knew it was wrong. That's why he never did it. And because he loves his wife. But if it takes so much control that it takes alcohol to overcome it, then it must have been a great constraint.

    But that doesn't excuse anything. It might help explain, though.

  5. I'm really sorry that you're going through such an awful time.... I hope it gets resolved soon... we've all been there in one way or another in our relationships. We can relate.

  6. I'm sorry. ((((HUGS)))) Come visit me 'n Lora.

  7. I'm sorry about all this. Sending hugs and love and good thoughts your way.