Getting apprehensive

So my surgery is 17 days away. For those of you who don't know the whole story, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer a couple months ago, and being true to form in my family, I couldn't have the easily treatable and normal one caused by HPV, but one that just popped up for fun called adenocarcinoma insitu. It was removed back in November during my cold cone biopsy, but this particular cancer likes to be sporatic and pop up in other places in the reproductive tract and can hide along the uterine wall. So, to combat this nasty booger, I am having a hysterectomy. This is pretty shocking to most people, but the doctor is recommending it, a couple of my doctor friends are also recommending it because it can become more problematic if it comes back in the uterus. I am pretty much ok with it. I have never really had the desire to be a Mommy, I am prefectly content being an Aunt and spoiling the shit out of my neices and nephew and friend's babies. Im not the motherly type anyways.
I am, however, scared to death. This is considered a simple surgery because it is so common, but one of the problems of working in the health care field is knowing all the things that could potentially go wrong. DVT's, knicking the bladder, PE's, there is just a lot of worries swirling around in my head. I try to stay positive about it, but that fear is always there. To make matters worse, this weekend, when we were driving to a friends house in Lakewood, we were listening to Kevin's favorite (and my least favorite) radio show, Bubba the love sponge...yeah, I know. Well, his guest was a plastic surgeon and they were talking about all kinds of things and one of the jerks that interns there just had to mention when someone is put out but can feel everything that is going on but can't do anything about it. The doctor started to explain how this happens...that basically there are two steps to anesthesia...one to paralyze the body and one to make sure the patient can't feel anything...and sometimes the anesthesiologis forgets step 2. I immediatly asked Kevin to turn it...I was freaking out inside...I don't care if it only happens maybe 2 times per year in the United States...it could still happen and that freaks me out even more. It shocked me that Kevin had no sympathy towards me about this and was actually laughing at me because I became so upset. I didn't speak to him the whole rest of the trip up. I am just thankful that since I worked at the hospital for 5 years, I am able to request my surgical staff right down to the anesthesiologist...sorry Dr. Jung...you may see parts of me you didn't want to before.
The whole insensitivity of Kevin just makes me worry how good of a care taker he is going to be after my surgery...I mean after my biopsy, he left me on the couch with my phone in the kitchen and went deer hunting. Nice guy, I know. After I gave him hell about that, I thought he had straightened up and realized what he needed to do, but now I am worried again.
I don't want to be the over-analyzing, whinny, frightened, damsel in distress...I have always been strong, stong-minded, strong-willed, strong-stomached, and tough. I can't believe how emotional I have become during this journey...all I know is if it isn't over soon, I'm going to turn to mush.

On a bright note, I started the "Twilight" series hoping it would keep my mind occupied, but if I keep reading at the pace I am at, I will have the whole series done in a week! I can't put the damned books down!

Thanks for listening to me whine!